A phone call

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When I was in second grade, I was as timid as an eight-year-old girl could be, scared to receive the slightest criticizing. However, life would not let me show my nature freely. Among the many challenges it laid in front of me, one of them taught me to hold back my tears and depend on myself when problems come. It was the kind of memory that stayed as clearly as yesterday no matter how many years had passed. That day I forgot to bring my homework which was due in the afternoon. When I learned this fact, I regarded it as a death sentence and the next thing I knew I was running around crazily, asking for a card for the public telephone. Then I could call my mom and maybe persuaded her to bring my homework for me. Inside my heart, a voice told me she wouldn’t do it, but I ignored that because what else I could do. I remembered how stressful that morning was, and by the time I finally found someone who could borrow me the card I was almost crying. My mom told me “no” through the phone, and I burst into tears. My friend standing next to me tried to calm me down, “Don’t cry.” she repeated, “Talk to your mom and maybe she’ll come.” I refused to hold my tears back. By that time I already realized I might have to face this myself, but instead of trying to comfort my mood and figure out a way to face the coming afternoon, I let the fear control me and wept as hard as I could. I hoped my mom had heard what my friend said, heard my heart-breaking sobs and changed her mind. I was crying not because I could not deal with what might happen that afternoon, but crying to made her believe I couldn’t, so I would not have to.

Still, she told me no.

I hardly remembered what happened to me that afternoon with my missing work. To me, the hardest part was over the moment I hang up the phone accepting the result of having to face the consequence alone. It was from then on I discovered the strength in me and that as long as I stop pretending to be weaker to earn others’ sympathy, there was no barrier I could not cross by myself.