前言
What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're mistaken. As the director of a 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction. In this talk, he shares three important lessons learned from the study as well as some practical, old-as-the-hills wisdom on how to build a fulfilling, long life.
是什么让我们在人生中保持健康和快乐？如果你认为是名誉和金钱，那么你并不是一个人——但是，根据精神病学家罗伯特·瓦尔丁格的说法，你错了。作为一项有 75 年历史的成人发展研究的负责人，瓦尔丁格前所未有地获得了关于真正幸福和满足的数据。在这次演讲中，他分享了从研究中学到的三个重要教训，以及一些实用而古老的智慧，关于如何建立充实和长寿的生活。
This talk was presented to a local audience at TEDxBeaconStreet, an independent event. TED's editors chose to feature it for you.
这个演讲是在 TEDxBeaconStreet 上向当地观众展示的，这是一个独立的活动。 TED 的编辑们选择为你专题推荐。
关于演讲者 ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Robert Waldinger · Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priest
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.
演讲者介绍
罗伯特·瓦尔丁格·精神病学家、精神分析师、禅师
罗伯特·瓦尔丁格是哈佛成人发展研究中心的主任，该研究是历史上最全面的纵向研究之一。
TEDxBeaconStreet | November 2015
What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness 是什么造就了美好的生活？从最长的幸福研究中获取的教训
Transcript 10:23 English
00:04
What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
是什么让我们在人生中保持健康和快乐？如果您现在要投资于未来最好的自己，您会将时间和精力放在何处？最近有一项针对千禧一代的调查，询问他们最重要的人生目标是什么，超过 80% 的人表示他们的主要人生目标是致富。另有 50% 的年轻人表示，另一个主要的人生目标是成名。
00:42
(Laughter)
00:43
And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.
我们不断被告知要努力工作，更加努力并取得更多成就。我们有这样的印象是，为了过上美好的生活，我们需要追求这些东西。整个生活的照片，人们做出的选择以及这些选择如何为他们效力，这些照片几乎不可能获得。我们对人类生活的大部分了解是通过要求人们记住过去而了解的，而且正如我们所知，事后诸葛亮绝不是 20/20。我们忘记了生活中发生在我们身上的大量事情，有时记忆是彻头彻尾的创造性。
01:28
But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
但如果我们可以从头到尾地纵观人的一生呢？如果我们可以研究人们从青少年到老年的整个过程，看看到底是什么让人们真正保持快乐和健康呢？
01:47
We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
我们做到了。哈佛成人发展研究可能是有史以来最长的成人生活研究。 75 年来，我们年复一年地追踪了 724 名男性的生活，询问他们的工作、家庭生活、健康状况，当然，在这一过程中，我们不知道他们的生活故事将如何发展。
02:16
Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.
像这样的研究极为罕见。几乎所有此类项目都在十年内失败，因为太多人退出研究，或者研究资金枯竭，或者研究人员分心，或者他们死了，没有人把球移到更远的领域。但靠运气和几代研究人员的坚持，这项研究得以幸存。我们最初的 724 名男性中约有 60 人还活着，仍在参与这项研究，其中大多数已经 90 多岁了。我们现在开始研究这些人的2,000 多个孩子。我是该研究的第四任负责人。
03:06
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
自 1938 年以来，我们追踪了两组男性的生活。第一组在哈佛大学二年级时开始参与这项研究。他们都在二战期间完成了大学学业，然后大部分人去参战。我们跟踪的第二组是来自波士顿最贫困社区的一群男孩，他们之所以被选中进行这项研究，是因为他们来自 1930 年代波士顿的一些最困难和最弱势的家庭。大多数住在公寓里，许多没有冷热自来水。
03:46
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
当他们进入研究时，所有这些青少年都接受了采访。他们接受了体检。我们去了他们家，采访了他们的父母。然后这些青少年长大成人，进入各行各业。他们成为工厂工人、律师、瓦工和医生，成为美国总统之一。一些发展为酗酒。少数发展为精神分裂症。有些人从底层一直爬到最高层，有些人则朝着相反的方向走。
04:27
The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
这项研究的创始人做梦都想不到，75 年后的今天，我会站在这里，告诉你这项研究仍在继续。每两年，我们耐心而敬业的研究人员会打电话给我们的人，询问他们是否可以再向他们发送一组关于他们生活的问题。
04:51
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.
许多波士顿市中心的男人问我们，“你为什么一直想研究我？我的生活没有那么有趣。”哈佛人从不问这个问题。
05:02
(Laughter)
05:12
To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
为了最清楚地了解这些生活，我们不只是向他们发送问卷。我们在他们的客厅采访他们。我们从他们的医生那里得到他们的病历。我们为他们抽血，扫描他们的大脑，与他们的孩子交谈。我们录制了他们与妻子谈论他们最深切的担忧的视频。大约十年前，当我们最终询问妻子们是否愿意作为研究成员加入我们时，许多女性说，“你知道，是时候了。”
05:41
(Laughter)
05:42
So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
所以我们学到了什么？我们从这些生活中产生的数万页信息中吸取了哪些教训？嗯，不是关于财富或名声，也不是越来越努力地工作。我们从这项长达 75 年的研究中得到的最明确的信息是：良好的人际关系让我们更快乐、更健康。
06:14
We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
我们已经学到了关于人际关系的三大教训。
首先是社交关系对我们真的有好处，而孤独是致命的。事实证明，与家人、朋友、社区有更多社交联系的人比那些联系不太好的人更快乐，身体更健康，而且寿命更长。孤独的经历被证明是有毒的。与不孤独的人相比，那些比他们想与他人隔离的人更不快乐，他们的健康在中年早期下降，他们的大脑功能下降得更快，而且他们的寿命更短。可悲的事实是，在任何时候，超过五分之一的美国人会报告他们感到孤独。
07:10
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
我们知道你在人群中可能会感到孤独，在婚姻中也可能会感到孤独，所以我们学到的第二个重要教训是，这不仅在你有多少朋友，也不在于你是否处于一段忠诚的关系，更重要的是你们亲密关系的质量。事实证明，生活在冲突之中对我们的健康真的很不利。例如，没有太多感情的高冲突婚姻对我们的健康非常不利，可能比离婚更糟糕。生活在良好、温暖的关系中是保护性的。
07:49
Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.
曾经我们一直追踪这些男人直到他们的 80 多岁，我们想回顾他们的中年，看看我们是否可以预测谁会成长为一个快乐、健康的八十多岁的老人，谁不会。当我们将 50 岁时我们所知道的关于他们的所有信息汇总在一起时，预测他们将如何变老的并不是他们的中年胆固醇水平。
这是他们对人际关系的满意程度。
50 岁时对人际关系最满意的人在 80 岁时最健康。良好、亲密的关系似乎可以让我们免受变老带来的一些影响。我们最幸福的伴侣在 80 多岁的时候报告说，在他们身体疼痛更严重的日子里，他们的心情也一样快乐。但是那些处于不愉快关系中的人，在他们报告更多身体疼痛的日子里，它被更多的情感痛苦放大了。
08:55
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
我们在人际关系和健康方面学到的第三个重要教训是，良好的人际关系不仅可以保护我们的身体，还可以保护我们的大脑。事实证明，与 80 多岁的人保持安全依恋的关系是保护性的，处于关系中的人真正觉得他们可以在需要时依靠对方，这些人的记忆会保持更清晰。而那些处于关系中的人觉得他们真的不能指望另一个人，这些人是那些经历过早期记忆衰退的人。那些良好的关系，他们不必一直都很顺利。我们的一些八十多岁的夫妇可以日复一日地互相争吵，但只要他们觉得在遇到困难时他们真的可以指望对方，这些争吵就不会影响他们的记忆。
09:53
So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
所以这个信息——良好、亲密的关系有益于我们的健康和幸福，这是与山丘一样古老的智慧。
为什么这如此难以获得而如此容易忽视？嗯，我们是人。我们真正想要的是快速修复，我们可以得到一些可以让我们的生活变得美好并保持这种状态的东西。人际关系是凌乱的，复杂的，照顾家人和朋友的辛勤工作，既不性感也不迷人。也是终生的。永无止境。
在我们 75 年的研究中，退休后最快乐的人是那些积极工作以用新的玩伴取代同事的人。就像最近的调查中的千禧一代一样，我们的许多男人在刚成年时就真的相信名利、财富和成就是他们过上美好生活所需要的。但一次又一次，在这 75 年里，我们的研究表明，过得最好的人是那些倾向于与家人、朋友和社区建立关系的人。
11:12
So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
那么你呢？假设你是 25 岁，或者你是 40 岁，或者你是 60 岁。倾向于人际关系是什么样子的？
11:23
Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
嗯，可能性几乎是无穷无尽的。这可能很简单，比如用人们的时间代替屏幕时间，或者通过一起做一些新的事情，长途跋涉或约会之夜来维持陈旧的关系，或者与你多年未联系的家庭成员联系，因为那些太常见的家庭不和对心怀怨恨的人造成了可怕的伤害。
11:55
I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
我想以马克吐温的一句话结束。一个多世纪前，他回顾自己的一生，他写道：“时光荏苒,生命短暂,别将时间浪费在争吵、道歉、伤心和责备上。用时间去爱吧,哪怕只有一瞬间,也不要辜负。”
12:26
The good life is built with good relationships.
美好的生活是通过良好的人际关系而构建的。
12:30
Thank you.
12:31
(Applause)